Close Encounters of the Human Kind

The old Ogden Temple where Anonymous D used to work. Note the still-orange spire of my futuristic youth!

As Anonymous D and I were PONDERING the messages from conference, D agreed to share some of his stories of meeting the LDS General Authorities. He was in a unique position having been employed while in college with Church Security guarding the Ogden Temple. That was a very boring job sitting in the booth, except for the occasional instances of the most interesting excitement. Otherwise, he just read a lot of Nibley.

This was back in the days of Ogden's urban decline after the first attempt at urban renewal when the downtown mall failed pretty miserably. Now, Ogden is on quite a solid rebound! (read about that here). Anyway, not all of these are stories from the Ogden Temple.

Take it away, D:

I was listening the other day to people recite their personal meetings with G.A.s, the time they met President Kimball, this or that Apostle. I have had the same experiences but mine seem more to humanize the leaders rather than deify them.

1) Elder Perry: He visited my mission with President Benson. The missionaries in Michigan had a special pre-conference meeting with the President, Elder Perry and Elder Wilcox. I don't remember much except that President Benson said one of the funniest things about my least favorite hymn "How Great Thou Art" ("I Believe in Christ" second-least favorite, had just been released in the new hymn book). He had his granddaughter sing the song and after not butchering it he said "I love that song, it's too good for Billy Graham." Now for my brush with greatness: After the meeting, I went in to the bathroom and got the urinal right next to Elder Perry. I think I said "Hello, Elder Perry."

2) I met President Hinckley and Elder Faust (then in the first Presidency) while working at the Temple. It was a Sunday and I had to check their recommends which was a little weird for a 21-year-old. I sat in the waiting room for a while talking to President Faust about nothing in particular then went outside where I met Moroni. . . at least that what the guy called himself. When I got rid of him President Hinckley's security called me to ask what that was all about. I told them, "Just some guy who say's he's Moroni." They laughed at me. Moroni, if you're interested, drove a green 1972 Plymouth, a little rusted.

3) So after going around for years telling those stories and my wife rolling her eyes trying to stop me from telling how I attended to bodily functions next to Elder Perry, about 8 years ago we went to see Evita at the Pioneer Theater. Half of the Quorum of the Twelve was there but we didn't know it. It was a Wednesday night and the theater wasn't crowded. We went into the basement to use the restroom before the play. There in the restroom were Elders Oaks and Ballard. I went to wash my hands and started talking to them. I told Elder Ballard as we walk out, "You know, every time I meet one of you guys it's in the restroom." He replied, "Well, you know we all have the same plumbing." "True," I said, "True." I wanted to ask if I could quote him on that. So I walked out of the bathroom with Elders Ballard and Oaks we're the only people in the basement, my wife saw me with them and looked horrified. I could tell she was thinking, "Oh, great, another story!"

D noted statistically that since there have now been 100 Apostles called in this dispensation, he has met 3% of them in the restroom. We thought about asking Congressman Chaffetz to make a chart but then thought better of it.

Oh, and with regard to the unfortunate marketing scheme of the Durrant Family, Elder Durrant just apologized and I hope we've heard the last of the "ponder" word that shall not be repeated . . . .

We are all human after all. Let's make good choices, as do most of our people. Anonymous D and I keep trying.

D suggests others might want to share their human interest encounters with the leaders of the LDS Church, or the Pope, or whomever in the comments. Please keep the Angels or Ogden street people in general out of it.